Why are we unkind to ourselves? Where does that voice that tells us that we’re not good enough or that we’re weak or stupid come from? That is truly the million dollar question. Indeed, many people have become millionaires by claiming that they have the answer.
But maybe it hasn’t come from anywhere. Maybe it’s just something that we’ve learned, the same way we learned to speak or to ride a bike. And when we learned it, it became similarly difficult to forget:
Children fluently pick up incredibly complex patterns of speech from listening to this around them ini the early years. A parallel emotional process is going on. If someone when we were little was speaking hate and shame and guilt to us, we will have started to speak like that ourselves. And it won’t be easy in adulthood to learn a new language. Let alone to come to speak it fluently to ourselves.
As The School Of Life suggests in the video above, the way to quiet this voice is to learn a new way to speak to ourselves. We can learn this language by listening to different messages around us. Messages that tell us that we’re valuable, that we’re worthy of respect, that we’re worthy of love.
But unlike when we were children, we can also learn this new language through our own study. We don’t need to only listen to those around us and absorb what they say, we can think about how the messages we receive apply to us. We can be intelligent about which we accept and which we decide we’d rather not have become a part of our vocabulary.
A huge part of our self image is forged when we’re too young to do anything about it. We’re moulded by the thoughts and actions of the people around us ways that are far too complex for us to understand. But part of learning to love ourselves is learning that we now have the power to mould ourselves. It won’t be easy, neither was learning to ride a bike.